Marriage 101: When to Call It Quits

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troubled couple sitting apart

Divorce is a tough decision for many. Some couples will try to endure each other instead of going separately because they’re not sure if getting divorced is a better idea. Here are some of the signs that you should just call it quits.

You’ve been married for quite a while now. How long was it again, 15, 16 years? The fact that you can’t remember some of the essential details in your marriage could be a sign that you should both move on…separately. Your kids are teens and are now able to understand why their parents can’t live together anymore. You know what you want, and you know what your spouse wants–and none of them coincide with each other.

Rather than hold each other back, you should call it quits and get a divorce. If you’re still unsure about your decision, here are some of the signs that you should just go your separate ways.

You can’t resolve your arguments

Some people would say that arguments make a marriage stronger. Adversities make man tougher, after all. But that’s only possible when you can resolve those arguments, just like how a man becomes tougher when he survives the adversities. Early in your marriage, you’d have a lot of discussions simply because you have a lot of things to argue about. You’re two individuals who chose to be together, and now’s the time you sort out those issues and become a unit.

However, when you fail to resolve these arguments, you’re not growing as a couple. One side would concede, while the other takes the “win.” Nothing gets resolved, and you learn to resent each other. No matter how long you’ve been married, if you can’t resolve your issues and continue to sweep it under the rug, you’ll end up divorced soon.

One side always wins

husband holding his wife's hands

When you’re not resolving any issues, one side’s just conceding to the other. There’s no proper ending to a fight, only one of you taking the blame instead of both sides learning from it. That’s great if you take turns “winning” an argument. That’s healthier than just one side always apologizing and one side always getting what they want. What do you think would happen when that continues for several years? One side gets fed up, numb to all the arguments.

The first chance someone else shows the ‘always-losing’ spouse some kindness, affection, and understanding, they’ll take it and leave the ‘always-winning’ side for good. The bitterness and resentment turn to infidelity, which, in turn, would lead to a less-than-ideal separation.

Before the case gets worse, it would be best to sort the issues out. If one side can’t lose, then everyone should go their separate ways.

Arguments turn to aggression

Arguments and misunderstandings can be healthy for a relationship if both parties learn from it. However, some are hypercompetitive and won’t just settle for a win. They’ll force the issue and make sure that they get their message across, even if they become aggressive and very confrontational. This can happen not only in men but also in women. If left unchecked, this could lead to abuse. Note that you don’t have to be physically violent to become an abusive partner. Sometimes, words can do much worse. It can attack the other person’s character, lowering their confidence, getting them depressed, and more. They can be self-destructive, which won’t lead to anything good.

If you’ve been in any of these situations, perhaps it is time to reassess your marriage and see if it’s still worth keeping. You may have been together for decades, but you’ve probably held each other back after all those times. If you live in the New Mexico area, you can get help from Albuquerque divorce attorneys. They’ll know the steps you need to take to finalize your separation with your spouse.

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